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The Waiting Game
Posted by Elena B. , Monday, November 23, 2009 10:20 AM
I'm waiting. I should be writing a paper for a class, but instead I decided to start this blog. I'm waiting because boyfriend (bf) has an interview today at the embassy in Rio de Janeiro to try and get a visa so that he can come visit me here in the U.S. And, let me tell you, it is so nerve-wracking! Now, I imagine it's nerve-wracking for him too, but I'm just stuck here twiddling my thumbs until I hear from him. Or until I give in and call him, whichever comes first. But I'm not sure what time his interview appointment is, so I figure I should at least wait until later if I'm going to give in and call.
So I continue to sit here, depressed that I've read all the blog entries I can find on having a brasileiro boyfriend or living in Brasil as a foreigner. I know, I'm a dork. But it usually distracts me from the fact that we're thousands of miles apart and lets me indulge in daydreaming about the day we'll be together.
Except that daydreaming can get me in trouble, because i've already started planning out all the places I want to take dear bf to and all the things I want him to experience. A couple days running around "The City" (New York, of course!) taking in the usual sites. A quick tour of my town, passing by my High School, the Library, and good old Cedar Lane. And then there's the food that he has to try: the best Pizza ever (because Pizza in Brazil just isn't the same), the tastiest ice cream you've ever had (from Bischoff's ice cream parlour, of course), and all the 'ethnic' (oh, do I dislike that term used in this context! And yet I use it...) cuisine that he hasn't had the chance to try before. Ok, not all, because we would be in restaurants for days and we'd both return home penniless, but Thai and Indian are musts, simply because they are my favorites. Then there's everything to see up in Massachusetts, where I go to college. I want to show him my (gorgeous) campus, take him to my favorite spots, show him the cute college towns of the Pioneer Valley. And let's not forget that it will be winter, and Northeast U.S. winter at that. I imagine witnessing him seeing and touching snow for the first time. Will he love it? We'll go sledding, then he'll love it. Will he be miserable in the below freezing temperatures? I theorize he'll be thrilled for the first ten minutes, and after that he'll be frozen!
And then I find myself thinking about him meeting my family and friends. He hardly speaks any English, so will it be funny? Awkward? Probably a little bit of both. But will he, and they, still enjoy it? Will they be happy to have this chance to interact, to meet the other important people in my life? I hope so.
And then I wonder if all this would make our relationship even stronger. If him seeing my world, my life, will give him a better understanding of who I am. And I hope it will, because it feels like it's difficult for him to fully know me, no matter how much I explain, without simply experiencing at least parts of my life.
And of course, there are the thoughts of how wonderful it will be to finally be together again in person. To have the chance to look into each other's eyes, to feel the way my hand fits into his, to be able to kiss the man I love.
As my daydreaming carries me away, I am always pulled away at some point, forced to remember that nothing is for sure yet. Hell, I don't even know if he'll get the visa, if he'll have the chance to come. But I have to expect, hope, think that he will, because I can't bear to think about the alternative. No matter what happens, life will go on, we'll still be the same couple, crazily in love and trying to make this work. But I have to think positive. So I'm letting those worries go, or at least trying to.
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