Well, yesterday (December 18th) marked our 10 month anniversary! We haven't really ever done anything to celebrate the 'small' anniversaries, but you bet we will when we hit that one year mark! We've both been super busy with finals so we didn't even get a chance to talk yesterday, but I thought it would be nice to take some time to reflect on the last 10 months, considering that 11 months ago I never would have imagined being in the situation I'm in now!
Some things I've learned in the last 10 months:
- Sometimes when you're scared shitless, you have to take that first baby step of dipping your toe in the water, but then you just have to jump right in! I knew I wanted to develop this relationship with dear bf, but I was scared. Mostly scared of how we would ever make it work, and scared that it would turn out the same as my previous LDR. But he is quite convincing, so here I am. You have to take a chance on happiness!
- Being in an LDR can be a roller coaster ride, but I don't regret it one bit. Sometimes it sucks, not being able to be with your partner. It's hard. You miss them. But I'd rather have a thousand days away from him than not have him in my life at all. Despite our struggles (LDR related an otherwise), he makes me happy. Plus, it gives me the excuse to travel to Brazil, hahah!
- I tend to go through phases of being really interested in something. On a more personal note, I realized that I tend to get really interested (maybe slightly obsessed?) with something. Last year it was travel and backpacking. Now, more specifically, it's Brazil. Not so sure this phase will ware off though! I do, after all, have 20+ brazil related blogs that I follow in google reader, hahaha. But the point is that knowing dear bf has gotten me interested in something new (although I was obviously interested in brazil before, since I decided to go there on my own), and I like getting interested in his country, culture, and language because I think it creates a bit of a better understanding.
- My mom always said that the best way to learn a language is to fall in love, and boy was she right! Though I never doubted that assertion, I sure have learned it for myself! A year ago I would sit in the dining hall at "portuguese table" with some lovely brazilian ladies (who are now dear friends of mine) and try to catch a word here, a word there. When they'd ask me a question, they'd often have to repeat it, and I'd reply in spanish once I understood. I didn't think I'd ever get to the point where I was only communicating (and fairly well, I might add) with someone (dear bf) in portuguese! Ok, so it is frustrating when I can't say exactly what I want to say in exactly the way I want to say it (you wouldn't beleive how we take this for granted in our native language!), but I learn a little bit each day. Definitely some good motivation. And although they are two different languages, being fluent in Spanish certainly helped. Plus, I have to thank my mom for that easy language learning gene (she speaks 5 languages! Ironically, the one romance language she doesn't speak is portuguese). But still...just fall in love with someone who doesn't speak your first language, and you'll be running for that dictionary and babbling in no time!
Ok, I know I've learned a lot more than that, but I can't think of anything else right now, probably due to the ~30 painting names, artisits, and the year painted (plus other random facts/interpretations) that I crammed into my brain for my Art History exam yesterday. I should be working on other finals anyway, ahhh! Maybe I'll write a follow-up post later. And if anyone is actually reading this (whether you know me in real life or not) feel free to comment :)
Beijos (kisses),
Elena
Posted by
Elena B.
9:37 AM
Not that anyone is actually reading this (maybe someday...), but I had to share this website for anyone out there in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR). Loving From A Distance is a website devoted LDRs, and it's GREAT! There is so much on there, from tips to maintain a happy LDR, to inspiring stories, to ideas on fun things to do besides just talk, to gift ideas. One of my favorite parts of the website though is the forums where you can talk to people around the world who understand your situation better. It's a nice place to celebrate the little victories, get advice, or just vent. It's a great community that provides a lot of support, so check it out!
As much as I love my boyfriend, sometimes being in an LDR just plain sucks. Don't get me wrong, things are good between us, but I recently found out that dear boyfriend won't be coming to visit in January like we had hoped. It's not his fault, it's just complicated. The worst part is that he even got the visa, but now won't be able to use it! So much for my daydreams about all the places we'd go, things we'd do, and people we'd meet. Guess I got a little ahead of myself in that previous post!
So we're not yet sure when we'll see each other next, but it probably won't be until at least June because of both our schedules. So we've got a long road ahead of us. I know we can stick it out, but I just really wanted to see him! Oh well, what can I do?
I guess that's it for now...
It was a warm, tropical, Wednesday evening in Salvador da Bahia, Brazil; February 18th, 2009. I was on vacation traveling around South America and it was the night before the famous 'carnival' was to begin. I was hanging out with my friend R, who I was staying with, his roommate, and a couple of their friends. And while I certainly was enjoying the Brazilian eye candy, I wasn't planning on meeting that someone 'special' on this trip. But apparently fate already had different plans.
So, we were walking down the street, looking for a fun spot to stop, listen to live music, and dance (you can find music and dancing all over the place, in the streets, this time of year in Salvador). Suddenly, R's roommate spotted an old friend of his walking along by himself. They greeted each other, and his friend decided to tag along with our group.
The moment I saw him, I had to keep my jaw from dropping. He was so handsome! He had a brilliant smile that practically lit up the street at dusk (or at least in my imagination it did!). Even his eyes smiled. He was just a bit taller than me, and had beautiful milk-chocolaty brown skin, and a perfect little nose. And of course, being the coward that I am when it comes to guys, there was no way I was going to approach him and introduce myself.
Luckily for me, after our group walked for a little while and stopped to buy drinks, he approached me. He introduced himself and asked about me. I was shy, trying to explain in my broken Portuguese (or more like fluent Spanish trying to throw in any Portuguese I knew!) who I was and what I was doing there. But he didn't laugh at my silly mistakes or move on to talk to someone else when it took me several minutes to make simple things understood. He was patient, and sweet, and really made an effort to talk to me. We ended up laughing about our miscommunications and somehow still understanding each other perfectly. Then, we ended up in different conversations with different people as we walked along the road that hugged the coast and watched the waves roll in. But even while I was talking to other people, I'd find myself occasionally searching for him.
Eventually, we all found a big crowd of people listening to a live performance of a woman singing samba and other Brazilian music. So, of course we stopped and started dancing and singing just like everyone else! The atmosphere was buzzing with happiness and positivity. And he was nice, but I didn't think I had a chance. I mean, there were gorgeous, half-naked Brazilian girls dancing all around us. Why would he choose me? He was standing a few feet away near some of our other friends, and as I danced I would occasionally look at him, wishing he'd come dance with me. Once in a while our eyes would lock and I would quickly, awkwardly look away.
Finally, he came over to me. Inside, I panicked. I got what I wished for, now what? But I just kept dancing, and he started dancing with me, charming me with his sweet smile and quick feet. After dancing together for some time, exchanging shy smiles and occasionally trying to talk over the loud music, he asked me if he could kiss me. I replied with something like, "No, I hardly even know you!" to which he replied by wittily attempting to give me his entire life story in two minutes. He rambled on in Portuguese and I struggled to keep up, but the whole time that smile of his and the gleam of his eye was luring me in! And at the end of him filling me in he said "there, now you know who I am!" Of course, he was half-joking, but it was quite charming. I have no idea how much time passed, but we danced the night away, and eventually I did give in to a kiss. And that was definitely the right choice because oh was it wonderful!
Once the music died down, we all decided to go to the beach and he and I continued to talk and learn about each other. At the end of the night (or should I say the beginning of the morning, since it was almost dawn!) he drove me back "home." When he asked if when he would see me again, my heart skipped a beat from excitement. We decided to meet the next day on the beach at two o'clock.
What seemed like a logical plan at 6am after an exhausting night out turned out to be a pretty bad one. You see, we obviously needed to sleep, and me and the friends I was staying with didn't even wake up until two o'clock. So by the time we got ourselves together and got to the beach, it was already past three. Not to mention this was summer and carnival and the beach was packed. I looked around as we walked trying to find a spot to sit, but there were people everywhere. How was I ever going to find him? Eventually I gave up and sat down. As I went for a swim, I kept an eye out for him, but had no luck. Then I laid out working on my tan, still hoping I'd see him pass by, but nothing. Sad that I'd probably ever see this guy again, I laid down for a nap.
Sometime later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I opened my eyes, and sure enough, it was him! In my blurry-eyed, discombobulated, just-woke-up state, I somehow asked him "how did you find me?" He just smiled and said he had walked up and down the beach a few times until he spotted me! I think I was in a state of shock. He had cared enough to search for me among the throngs of people! We talked and swam, until it started raining. Then we ran through the warm, tropical rain shower into an ice cream shop, leaving my friends behind. Well, we spent my last four days together seeing the city and just having a wonderful time.
He made me laugh, he made sure I knew how beautiful I was, he was sincere, he was sweet, he took care of me, he made me feel safe, he was passionate, he was so intelligent, and most of all, he made me happy.
But then I had to leave. It was the saddest moment of my month-long trip traveling around South America. Tears were streaming down both of our faces, and we were stuck in an embrace that we didn't want to end. I was feeling hopeless, thinking that this could never possibly work. But after I left Brazil, he was all I could think about. We stayed in touch, and although I didn't ever expect it to turn into a serious relationship, he convinced me that what we had was too special to give up. Back in August I had the (unexpected) chance to go visit him for 3 weeks, and seeing him again for the first time since we had met was amazing! We had a wonderful time together and the three weeks passed much more quickly than we wanted! So here we are, nine months later, going strong as a couple. There have definitely been some really big bumps in the road, and at times it's been a struggle, but it has been worth it.
Posted by
Elena B.
10:20 AM
I'm waiting. I should be writing a paper for a class, but instead I decided to start this blog. I'm waiting because boyfriend (bf) has an interview today at the embassy in Rio de Janeiro to try and get a visa so that he can come visit me here in the U.S. And, let me tell you, it is so nerve-wracking! Now, I imagine it's nerve-wracking for him too, but I'm just stuck here twiddling my thumbs until I hear from him. Or until I give in and call him, whichever comes first. But I'm not sure what time his interview appointment is, so I figure I should at least wait until later if I'm going to give in and call.
So I continue to sit here, depressed that I've read all the blog entries I can find on having a brasileiro boyfriend or living in Brasil as a foreigner. I know, I'm a dork. But it usually distracts me from the fact that we're thousands of miles apart and lets me indulge in daydreaming about the day we'll be together.
Except that daydreaming can get me in trouble, because i've already started planning out all the places I want to take dear bf to and all the things I want him to experience. A couple days running around "The City" (New York, of course!) taking in the usual sites. A quick tour of my town, passing by my High School, the Library, and good old Cedar Lane. And then there's the food that he has to try: the best Pizza ever (because Pizza in Brazil just isn't the same), the tastiest ice cream you've ever had (from Bischoff's ice cream parlour, of course), and all the 'ethnic' (oh, do I dislike that term used in this context! And yet I use it...) cuisine that he hasn't had the chance to try before. Ok, not all, because we would be in restaurants for days and we'd both return home penniless, but Thai and Indian are musts, simply because they are my favorites. Then there's everything to see up in Massachusetts, where I go to college. I want to show him my (gorgeous) campus, take him to my favorite spots, show him the cute college towns of the Pioneer Valley. And let's not forget that it will be winter, and Northeast U.S. winter at that. I imagine witnessing him seeing and touching snow for the first time. Will he love it? We'll go sledding, then he'll love it. Will he be miserable in the below freezing temperatures? I theorize he'll be thrilled for the first ten minutes, and after that he'll be frozen!
And then I find myself thinking about him meeting my family and friends. He hardly speaks any English, so will it be funny? Awkward? Probably a little bit of both. But will he, and they, still enjoy it? Will they be happy to have this chance to interact, to meet the other important people in my life? I hope so.
And then I wonder if all this would make our relationship even stronger. If him seeing my world, my life, will give him a better understanding of who I am. And I hope it will, because it feels like it's difficult for him to fully know me, no matter how much I explain, without simply experiencing at least parts of my life.
And of course, there are the thoughts of how wonderful it will be to finally be together again in person. To have the chance to look into each other's eyes, to feel the way my hand fits into his, to be able to kiss the man I love.
As my daydreaming carries me away, I am always pulled away at some point, forced to remember that nothing is for sure yet. Hell, I don't even know if he'll get the visa, if he'll have the chance to come. But I have to expect, hope, think that he will, because I can't bear to think about the alternative. No matter what happens, life will go on, we'll still be the same couple, crazily in love and trying to make this work. But I have to think positive. So I'm letting those worries go, or at least trying to.
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